Finally!

After several days of stability (and a fair amount of begging), we were given the OK to hold Cailin tonight! Unfortunately, since she still can't maintain her own body heat, she could only be outside of her isolette for 30 minutes or so. And, since it is quite an ordeal, they only allowed one of us to hold her for that 30 minutes. Lucky for me, Tim was insistent that I be the first.

Leading up to it, I admit I was a bit nervous. I think mostly nervous that she wouldn't like it and her vitals would go awry. Given that she has been fairing so well, I didn't want to rock the boat. But, I had been told by so many people that little ones like Cailin tend to love it and I was certainly eager to try.

Once they lifted her tiny body up to get her ready to hand over to me, she was visibly unsettled. Her tiny little body was wiggling all over, arms and legs flailing about anxiously. She clearly was confused and not liking the disturbance. Within a second, the nurse had her out and placed her on my chest, skin to skin. It was amazing, she just stopped moving all together and settled right down. The nurse had me hold her with one hand under her bottom and the other supporting her legs and cupping her back. Words can't describe how wonderful it felt. Holding her tiny little warm body and feeling her so close to me was just incredible. I loved it and apparently so did she. Her vitals instantly stabilized and her oxygen saturation levels were far better than before they disturbed her. I talked quietly to her and just enjoyed every second of it.

Unfortunately, her ventilator tube seemed to be situated in such a way that it was "leaking air". So, I only got to hold her for 20 minutes instead of the planned 30. But thankfully, my fear for her safety overpowered my own sadness of having to let her go. They placed her back in her isolette and quickly fixed the issue with her tubing. All was back to normal. We helped the nurse get her comfortable and I have to say I felt a bit of incredible joy and also sadness. After 31 days of wanting so badly to hold her, 20 minutes was just not enough. But, as we say at least 10 times a day, one day at a time. The good news is that we both loved it and I'll look forward to the next time more than ever.


By the way, there has been much debate about whether Caili has red hair. While I don't love the enlarged version of myself, click on the picture to enlarge it and I think you'll see the answer to the question...